Chic & Shady
You Are Reading

Are You Ready For Your DNA lottery?

3
LIFE

Are You Ready For Your DNA lottery?

With global World politics in free-fall, boarders going up, relations suddenly severed and governments throwing in the towel as if their chips were down; the planet has reacted by wanting to create intangible connections elsewhere. In a bid to mentally subjugate these divisions, Earthlings have collectively deciding to perform DNA tests on mass?

Adverts everywhere are marketing a better understanding of heritage and the chance to connect with distant cousins or relatives you never knew you had? This all sounds amazing but a slight oversight may be that actually it’s a way of studying population diseases and hereditary illnesses under the radar? My heightened-self kicks in?

Although there is a sense of excitement which comes with the idea of the unknown, there are also the realities of performing such a procedure, much publicised by TV shows in the 90s such as Oprah Winfrey, Jerry Springer and Ricky Lake to name but a few. The sensationalised DNA reveal never went far enough to discuss the aftermath of finding out the reality of hidden family secrets and how possible separations could be everlasting once the tests were finalised?

During a conversation with my aunt (my Dad’s sister) the subject of doing a DNA test was raised. In her light and airy way she advised me to take the test. I bought the kit, swabbed and sent. Approximately 6 weeks and a couple of e-mail updates later, I received my pack in the post. 

My story is slightly more complicated, as I was raised by a wonderful Dad in a home with two parents who were together for 38 years. However, just before my Dad died he asked that I go home to discuss the points in his will, namely that he was leaving all control to my two younger sisters and he was going to die taking secrets about me to his grave that I would never know? I left the next morning in bits and he died two weeks later.

I had asked both my parents on several occasions why I never bore a resemblance to my Dad (He had blonde hair, sky blue eyes and the fairest skin imaginable). My sisters were very light skinned, mixed-race girls, who looked like his offspring but I was black in all my glory with coarse Afro hair? He was also a genealogist, so an expert in genetics and DNA! I was palmed off. Ridiculous. Insane. Paranoid. I needed to stop talking about it. I was palmed off.

I opened my pack and as I suspected it gave me the most conclusive answer I had expected. 100% African. Not 1% of my blood came from Europe or indeed from my Dad.

It took a while to sink in. I went through a different form of grief this time. Anger, rage, realisation, clarity, my trust in everything and everyone had gone overnight and I also grieved for the father that I never met and who I would never get to know. The family I was raised with suddenly became step-relatives? Every form I had ever filled out, every passport, census, registration document, all incorrect and the reality that both my parents and possibly other relatives were complicit in this lie was a real challenge.

About 2 months later on Mother’s Day I sent my Mum an email of the results and a strongly worded, highly confrontational letter about how I felt they had handled the situation over the years. She had systematically used derogatory word like bastard, useless and weak, those words shaped my view of myself throughout my life. I asked for an apology and asked to know who my father really was? She didn’t reply. And hasn’t spoken to me for the past 2 years as a result.

Around 10 months after I wrestled with my new identity, I went to the doctor’s and was referred for relationships counselling which enabled me to move on from the traumatic experience. Counselling helped me make my peace with my parents and regain control of the view I had of myself. I started to embrace my African roots for the first time and didn’t feel a sense of shame about it. No longer the black sheep of the family. Previously I hadn’t felt comfortable because I was always looked upon as a liar when I explained my background to strangers or somehow delusional saying that I was mixed-race? Now I felt confident to say I was African without having the look of disbelief that I had spend 37 years navigating. I felt compelled to travel, loose myself a little and see the World. Suddenly I felt fearless. I lay in the Moroccan sunshine till I was burnt and liked the way I looked for the first time in my life. I grew.

If any of you decide to do a DNA test then do it. Find out who you are and be bold and brazen when you discover the truth. If it’s the answer you were hoping for then congratulations you won but if you get a box of hidden family secrets, then make sure that you and your parents are ready and willing to take on the fallout and whatever you do, get support! Ripping off my plaster was painful but i’m glad I saw my scar.

(Please note there are many good DNA testing companies and I chose Ancestry DNA due to their high profile and their publicised accuracy. Other companies are available)

About Author

I am passionate about fashion and passionate about life. My blog will teach you little hints and tips on Life, luxury goods and how to shop on a budget.

Also read interviews from people who have their own style and fashion identity and what they think defines a good product or brand. Being chic is a lifestyle but being shady is a choice!

(70) Comments

  1. Dearest Miriam:

    Though I heard this story in person, reading it hits just as hard. I know that you know that you are loved. No need to dwell on the ugliness and simultaneous beauty that is often life . In this case, it is a tad apropos to scream “Wakanda forever” in all its equal triteness and splendor.

    You rock now. You have always rocked. You look like an older version of the Miriam we fell in love with on the roads of Unife (now OAU).

    Rock on cuz!

    1. Thank you so much for your letter and thank you so much for lat week. I was so so so good to see you, spend precious time with you and feel a connection again. I can’t tell you how much my soul needed to meet with you again. I look forward to us staying in touch. Love you lots cuz XXX

  2. Im grateful for the post.Much thanks again. Will read on

  3. You made some decent points there. I did a search on the issue and found most persons will approve with your website.

  4. More and more people need to look at this and understand this side of the story.

  5. That is a good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere. Short but very precise information Many thanks for sharing this one. A must read article!

  6. This is really interesting. You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and look forward to seeing more of your excellent posts. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks!

    1. Hey, Thank you so much I really appreciate the support. x

  7. When are you going to take this to a full book?

  8. Its not my first time to pay a visit this web site, i am browsing this website dailly and get good data from here all the time.

  9. pretty valuable material, overall I feel this is really worth a bookmark, thanks

  10. Normally I do not read post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up forced me to check it out! Your writing taste has amazed me. Thanks, very great article.

  11. Thank you for your article post. Much obliged.

  12. There is definately a lot to find out about this issue. I really like all of the points you made.

  13. Oh my goodness! an amazing article. Thank you!

  14. Some truly prize blog posts on this site, bookmarked.

  15. Thanks-a-mundo for the article.Thanks Again.

  16. That is a great tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere. Simple but very precise info Thank you for sharing this one. A must read post!

  17. Really good information can be found on site.

  18. You made some really good points there. I looked on the web for more info about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.

  19. Thanks again for the blog post.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  20. Very clear internet site, thanks for this post.

  21. This unique blog is really interesting as well as informative. I have discovered many helpful things out of this blog. I ad love to return again soon. Thanks!

  22. I value the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.

  23. This is a terrific website. and i need to take a look at this just about every day of your week ,

  24. Inspiring quest there. What occurred after? Take care!

    1. Hello And thank you for your message. Well I have been on a journey of self acceptance and self discovery ever since. My goal in writing this was to let others who may have had similar experiences, know that no-one should feel ashamed of who they are regardless of how they ultimately grow or find out. I don’t have contact with my mother but other family members who I have shared my story with have been supportive. I live and I will continue to learn. All the best x

  25. Really appreciate you sharing this article.Really looking forward to read more. Cool.

  26. ugg jimmy choo I am impressed by the quality of information on this website. There are a lot of good resources

  27. Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article. Many thanks for providing these details.

  28. Major thanks for the post.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  29. Its hard to find good help, I am constantly saying that it’s difficult to find good help, but here it is!

  30. Really enjoyed this article post.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  31. Thank you ever so for you blog post. Really Great.

  32. Right away I am ready to do my breakfast, later than having my breakfast coming again to read more news.

  33. Pretty! This was an incredibly wonderful article. Many thanks for providing this information.

  34. It as not that I want to copy your web site, but I really like the design and style. Could you tell me which theme are you using? Or was it custom made?

    1. Hey. I’m glad you like it. I am using WordPress as they have the best layouts. You have to buy a web domain and then purchase a template then start to design the rest yourself. It takes time but you can be more individual that way. All the best. x

  35. Thank you ever so for you post.Really thank you! Fantastic.

  36. I simply could not leave your web site before suggesting that I really enjoyed the standard info an individual supply for your visitors? Is gonna be again steadily to inspect new posts

  37. Thanks for the blog post.Really thank you! Much obliged.

  38. It looks to me that this web site doesn’t load up in a Motorola Droid. Are other folks getting the same problem? I enjoy this web site and don’t want to have to miss it when I’m gone from my computer.

    1. Hello. Thanks for letting know. So far I haven’t had anyone else mention this issue but will look into it as the graphics should be compatible with all mobile phones? All the best x

  39. Just added this blog to my favorites. I enjoy reading your blogs and hope you keep them coming!

  40. Thanks for sharing, this is a fantastic post.

  41. Valuable Website I have been checking out some of your stories and i can state pretty good stuff. I will surely bookmark your website.

  42. Many thanks for sharing this first-class piece. Very inspiring! (as always, btw)

  43. There is certainly a lot to learn about this subject. I love all of the points you have made.

  44. wow, awesome blog post.Really thank you! Awesome.

  45. I find this quite interesting. Is it ok to volunteer some questions?

  46. It as going to be end of mine day, except before end I am reading this great post to improve my experience.

  47. It’а†s actually a cool and helpful piece of info. I am happy that you just shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.

  48. This is a magnificent blog. An excellent read.

  49. Such clever work and coverage! Keep up the amazing works guys. I have added you guys to my personal.

  50. Only a few bloggers would discuss this topic the way you do.,:

  51. Really appreciate you sharing this post.Really thank you! Keep writing.

  52. Im obliged for the article. Much obliged.

  53. Very good information might be identified on this web site. Thanks

  54. Really informative article post.Really thank you! Cool.

  55. I truly appreciate this blog.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

  56. There as certainly a great deal to learn about this issue. I love all the points you made.

  57. Usually I do not read post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very pressured me to check out and do it! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, quite nice article.

  58. I saw something about that topic on TV last night. Nice article.

  59. Very informative article.Really thank you!

  60. This info is invaluable. How can I find out more?

  61. Im no expert, but I think you just made a very good point point. You certainly comprehend what youre talking about, and I can actually get behind that. Thanks for being so upfront and so genuine.

  62. Much more people today need to read this and know this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more well-known considering that you undoubtedly have the gift.

  63. Wow! Thank you! I continuously needed to write on my blog something like that. Can I include a portion of your post to my website?

  64. This blog was how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something that helped me. Thank you!

  65. I want to voice my affection for your kindness for persons who must have helped with this content. Your real commitment to getting the solution along became wonderfully significant and has always made somebody like me reach their goals. Your insightful guide signifies much to me and extremely more to my office workers. With thanks; from all of us.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Follow @ Instagram

No posts available!